ACTIVE LISTENING
is a Communication Technique that involves:
Paying close attention to the other person’s verbal and non-verbal cues, aiming to gain a better understanding of his or her perspective.
AND
Expressing that we have genuine interest in understanding the speaker’s message, using our own verbal and non-verbal cues.
This technique was given a name by Carl Rogers, one of the greatest psychologists of the 20th century [15]. Using this type of listening, the listener’s main goal is to try to understand the speaker’s point of view. The listener can also try to imagine himself/herself in the other person’s shoes.
But how is Active Listening different than… listening? It all comes down to the term “active”. Passive listening, like when the listener nods along without asking questions or sharing thoughts, is like a one-way street. It might leave the speaker wondering if his or her message was really understood. On the other hand, Active Listening is a game-changer. It’s when the listener not only hears the words of the speaker but also responds in ways that show he/she truly grasps what’s going on in the speaker’s world. As Rogers and his co-author Richard Evans Farson put it in 1957, when listening actively, the listener “does not passively absorb the words which are spoken to him. Instead, an active listener actively tries to grasp the facts and the feelings in what she/he hears, and she/he tries, by her/his listening, to help the speaker work out her/his own problems”.
Another point to emphasise when reading Rogers’ words above, is the phrase “help the speaker work out her/his own problems”. Active Listening entails hearing a person with an open mind, without necessarily having an immediate solution to a problem. Nevertheless, this technique can indeed result in positive transformations for individuals. As Rogers suggests, when a person receives attentive and unique listening, he or she tends to become more emotionally mature, open to his or her experiences, less defensive, and more democratic.
When people are listened to in a sensitive way, they are inclined to pay keener attention to their thoughts and emotions, facilitating clearer expression. Moreover, they are less concerned about criticism of their ideas and feel more confident about sharing them. Simultaneously, it’s worth noting that the process of Active Listening also prompts the listener himself/herself to undergo personal change. Among various activities, listening stands out as a catalyst for deep, positive relationships and possesses the potential to positively influence the listener’s attitudes listener’s attitudes [16].
Simultaneously, the process of Active Listening also prompts the listener to undergo personal change. Among various activities, listening stands out as a catalyst for deep, positive relationships and possesses the potential to positively influence the listener’s attitudes[16].
Active Listening entails hearing a person with an open mind, without necessarily having an immediate solution to a problem.
Imagine a child sharing his or her school day. Passive listening might look like a simple nod or a “Hmm” without further interaction. But Active Listening takes it up a notch. It’s when the adult says things like, “Wow, it sounds like you had a fun day exploring new things!”. This lets the child know that the adult is not just hearing words, but he/she is getting a glimpse into the child’s experiences. So, why does Active Listening matter? It nurtures a deeper child-adult connection. It tells the child that his or her thoughts and feelings are valued and understood.
Within this framework, it comes as no surprise that Empathy is a vital element of this process, as it pertains to emotionally connecting with another person through identification, compassion, understanding, feeling, and insight. This is why the latest literature refers to Active Listening using the term Empathic Active Listening.
Empathic Active Listening is more about building strong connections and truly grasping what others need, want, and think.
It involves understanding the why and how behind spoken words, allowing us to connect with the other person’s emotional experience and extend our Empathy. This type of listening doesn’t just stop at the obvious or even the implied meaning; it reaches the underlying emotions.
By engaging in Empathic Active Listening, we establish a safe space where individuals can comfortably express their true selves. This foundation paves the way for sincere and open Communication between both the speaker and the listener[17].
Empathic Active Listening is a structured method that includes particular ways of listening and asking questions.
We will explore them in the following chapter.