Key Attitudes for Nurturing Empathic Bonds:
Genuineness, Empathy, and Unconditional Positive Regard
It should be emphasized that, for Active Listening to be truly effective, it must stem from the foundational attitudes of adults. Active Listening cannot be put to use successfully as a method if the core beliefs of adults conflict with its essential principles. If attempted in such a way, the resulting actions may come across as insincere and vain, and children are likely to pick up on this [18] .
There are three fundamental attitudes that adults should embrace in all their relationships, including those involving children, before engaging in Empathic Active Listening: Genuineness, Empathy, and Unconditional Positive Regard.
These attitudes were originally introduced by Rogers as the “core conditions” necessary for therapists to effectively assist their clients. However, Rogers also stressed that these same attributes should ideally be present in a “fully functioning person”. Consequently, these three qualities have become associated with a broader framework of human relationships and have proven to be invaluable guidance for adults looking to build nurturing relationships with children.
Let’s take a closer look:
| GENUINENESS |
According to Rogers, Genuineness is the most crucial quality. It involves the ability to openly express one’s thoughts and emotions within a relationship. It ensures that both children and adults can be themselves and share their ideas and experiences without worrying about being judged.[19] This creates an environment where both parties can mutually influence and touch each other’s lives, promoting openness and connection [20] while building a foundation of trust. A genuine relationship between adults and children means that adults guide rather than try to control the children, allowing them the space to discover their own truths and embrace their genuine selves. |
| EMPATHY |
It’s not surprising that Empathy plays a crucial role in defining relationships where empathetic Active Listening can flourish. Empathetic adults engage in Active Listening and make an effort to comprehend a child’s emotions and experiences from their point of view[21]. They refrain from imposing their own viewpoints on what the child openly expresses. Within this context, Empathy can contribute to the development of strong emotional bonds. |
| UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD |
Unconditional Positive Regard involves wholeheartedly accepting and appreciating a child without any conditions, regardless of their behaviour and actions[22]. The idea of unconditional positive regard highlights showing warm respect for each person’s uniqueness[23], signifying a true willingness to connect[24]. Cultivating a relationship culture of unconditional positive regard is key, supported by affirmations like having faith in growth despite mistakes. |
To manifest Unconditional Positive Regard, several methods have been suggested. For example:
- Modifying words to temper criticism with reassurance shows that despite disapproval of actions, fundamental respect remains [25]
- Focusing on feelings, guiding children to reflect on their actions, fosters positive self-worth [26]
