Handling “emergency situations” like (cyber)bullying, along with easy-to-implement parenting tips aimed at prevention rather than repair

—

by

Smile Academy
in ,

By Arja Krauchenberg on behalf of EPA – European Parents’ Association

Contents
  1. What is Cyberbullying – attempting a definition
  2. Various forms of Cyberbullying
  3. Some data on the use of digital technology and the prevalence of Cyberbullying
  4. What motivates the bullies
  5. Possible Effects of Cyberbullying
  6. How to cope
  7. What Parents can do
  1. What is cyberbullying – attempting a definition

Looking at various documents including research papers, the definition of cyberbullying varies according to language, context (legal, profane, etc.), tradition and other factors. Most researchers do however agree that the following components need to be present in order to justify the use of the expression “cyberbullying” to describe a situation of online harassment:

  • An imbalance of power
  • Acts are committed repeatedly
  • Deliberate intention to cause harm
  • “Disinhibition effect” as the emotional reactions of the person targeted are not visible to the perpetrator
  • Grants the perpetrator anonymity
  • A potentially wide outreach
  • The aggressor can reach the victim anytime & anywhere (no safe zones)
  • Causes emotional & social harm

We would therefore define cyberbullying as

Repeated intentional aggressive acts directed by an individual or a group towards other individual(s) or group(s) using electronic means.

These acts include:

  • Threats
  • Insults
  • Embarrassing or humiliating messages
  • Publication of embarrassing or humiliating pictures or videos
  • Defamation
  • Impersonation
  1. Various forms of Cyberbullying

In order to capture the different forms that cyberbullying can take it’s important to make a distinction between the method used to share abusive behaviour (email, text message, social media posting, etc.) and the forms such behaviour can take. The following list is a selection from the Anti-Bullying-Centre at DCU in alphabetical order (the complete list can be found in annex 2):

  • Cyber-harassment: Sending hurtful / negative messages to the victim worded harshly in a persistent or pervasive manner
  • Cyberstalking: Threats of harm, intimidation, offensive comments via communication channels making the victim feel that the threats are real and could transpire into offline stalking. Cyberstalking is regarded as the most dangerous form of cyberbullying and requires immediate adult attention
  • Fraping: when a bully uses a child’s social networking account to post inappropriate content with their name. While it can be harmless when friends write amusing posts on each other’s profiles, it has the potential however to be very harmful as a bully posting a racial/homophobic slur through someone else’s profile can ruin their reputation.
  • Grooming: predatory practice where children & teens fall victim to adults who try to develop relationships with them without revealing their true identities to gain sexual favours
  • Harassment: is a broad category encompassing many types of cyberbullying -it generally refers to a sustained and constant pattern of hurtful or threatening online messages sent with the intention of doing harm
  • Impersonation: “Imping” means to impersonate the victim so that comments sent to peers on social media networking sites, forums, message boards and/or chat rooms appear as if they have come from the victim. Similarly, the cyberbully can set up websites to manipulate the victim’s profile damaging their reputation
  • Micro Visual Cyberbullying: Using snapchat to send menacing messages
  • Non-consensual Image & Video Dissemination: Images & videos of the victim are emailed to peers or published on video sites like YouTube or shared via mobile devices available to download or view with the intent of humiliating the target
  • Phishing: Manipulating (tricking or persuading) the victim into revealing personal and/or financial information about themselves or their loved ones – information that is then used to purchase items in the name of the victim or their parents
  • Pornography & Marketing Lists: Signing up the target to pornography and/or junk marketing / advertising emailing sites with the intent of causing embarrassment, frustration, unfair punishment and false accusations
  • Sexting: Refers to text messages or images of a sexually explicit nature designed to embarrass the victim when distributed and shared online
  • Sextortion: Cyberbully extorts images from the victim in exchange for not making sensitive material public. This could involve creating a fake email account, fake social media profile and selecting a new identity and photos to fool the victim. The bully tends to be someone known to the victim

This list might already seem impressive if not intimidating and some of the above mentioned acts may not always be considered as forms of cyberbullying but as separate forms of offence especially in legal terms, i.e. in criminal laws and therefore also in court. For example “sextortion” or “phishing” are often treated as criminal offences in their own right but this depends on the legal provisions that may differ from one country to another.

What unites all these acts however is the imbalance of power (the stronger vs. the weaker), meaning that there is at least one bully (often there are more) and at least one victim (there might also be more but usually bullies tend to take on victims one by one.

  1. Some data on the use of digital technologies and the prevalence of cyberbullying among young people

According to studies conducted by CyberSafe Kids Annual 2020  in 20 countries in Europe:

  • 93% of children aged 8-12 years own smart devices
  • 84% are signed up to social media & messaging apps
  • Most popular apps (8-12 years) : YouTube, TikTok, WhatsApp & Snapchat
  • Most popular app ( 13 years +) : Instagram
  • 28% had friends or followers they didn’t know offline
  • 17% reported playing over-18s games
    • boys (29%)
    • girls (7%)
  • 36% game online with people they don’t know offline
    • 41% of boys
    • 31% of girls
  • 61% reported that they were contacted by a stranger in an online game:
    • “Lots of times” 18%
    • “A few times” 43%
  • 25% have seen or experienced something online in the last year that upset them
    • 30% of children kept it to themselves rather than report it to parents or someone else
  • 29% of children have experienced bullying online:
    • 15% reported being excluded from messaging groups
    • 14% sent hurtful messages online
    • 29% did not tell anyone / kept it to themselves
  1. What motivates the bullies

Regarding the reasons behind this behaviour, the following factors were identified:

  • Boredom
  • Misplaced anger
  • Unthinking
  • False Fun
  • Hurting the feelings of other people
  • Dominance over others
  • Difficulty adhering to rules
  • Moral disengagement
  • Low empathy
  • Do not readily take responsibility

In some cases the reasons coincide with the motives of cyberbullying (e.g. boredom or anger) but often the motives behind the bullying behaviour have less to do with the victim than with the bully and his/her own emotional state or experiences. Bullying is therefore often seen as “normal behaviour” as a reaction to:

  • Boredom
  • Tensions & conflict in class
  • Friendship break-up
  • Personal information being passed onward
  • Revenge
  • Meanness
  • Looking Cool
  • Anger
  1. Effects of Cyberbullying

The effects of cyberbullying can be devastating for the victim and may have long term consequences on their development and future life:

  • Damage to emotional well-being
  • Powerlessness & fear
  • A change in habit in the use of technology / phone
  • Distress /sadness/tearfulness
  • Social anxiety – panic attacks
  • Self-blame
  • Lack of confidence
  • Loneliness
  • Poor concentration leading to reduced academic achievements

But cyberbullying can also have negative effects on the bully which may only show later during the life course:

  • Not being able to take on responsibility will reduce career prospectives as higher positions are only given to people who are able and willing to take decisions but also the responsibility for them
  • Low empathy may disqualify a person for a leadership position or discourage the necessary teamwork
  • Taking pleasure in hurting other people’s feelings will also disqualify someone for team work which is often required in the world of work
  • Difficulties in accepting rules and following regulations will not be tolerated in most workplaces as this might put the individual him/herself but also other collaborators in danger and can lead to conflict with the authorities in other spheres of life
  1. How to cope

There are quite a few coping strategies that victims can adopt to deal with these difficult situations. The most important one is however NOT to keep the issue to themselves or ignore the messages hoping that they’ll stop but to seek support from a trusted adult, being a parent, a teacher, an elder sibling or friend, etc.

Here is some concrete advice that parents can give to their children:

  • Don’t reply to messages that harass or annoy you
  • Take screenshots / do not delete the offensive message(s)
  • Don’t try to deal with cyberbullying on your own
  • Don’t exaggerate or lie about what happened as this will cast doubt on the incident
  • Don’t retaliate as this could escalate the issue
  • Report & Block
  • Don’t feel ashamed – the shame lies with the perpetrator
  • Try to cease continuously checking posts
  • Encourage self-affirming statements that involve “I”
  1. What parents can do

Parents might feel overwhelmed when their child asks for help because he/she is being cyberbullied and there is a tendency of playing things down by saying things like: “Don’t worry, when I was a child I was bullied as well.” Or “ Just don’t react, they’ll get tired of doing this.” These kind of reactions will however not solve the situation for the child but rather confirm their feeling that they’re alone with this problem and that their parents are unable or unwilling to help. This in turn might lead to the child closing him/herself in and not communicating about the incidents any longer which will make it impossible for parents/guardians or other family members to assess the severity of the issue and can lead to total underestimation of the pressure that the child experiences.

Here is some Advice for Parents of how to avoid this situation:

  • Encourage your child to talk to you – building trust and fostering open dialogue should however start much earlier, ideally from early childhood but it becomes essential when your child starts to have access to digital devices
  • Praise your child for speaking to you about their experience – don’t turn them away even though you might be busy or downplay their experience
  • Listen supportively – check out the Empathic Listening Guide at this link : https://e-counselling.e-safety-network.eu/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/D3.2_METHODOLOGY-GUIDE_UPDATED-1_compressed.pdf
  • Don’t overreact or interrogate – this will scare your child and may lead to vague answers or complete retreat
  • Don’t ban internet / mobile phone use – Many children decide not to talk to their parents even in case of severe issues because they have been threatened that their phone will be taken away. It should therefore be made clear to them that this won’t happen even if there is a severe problem.
  • Contact the school, a professional counselor or a specialized organization in your country – If the cyberbullying incidents are related to class mates or happen in the school environment you need to inform the school (headteacher, administrator, principal) and find a solution together. If there is no responsiveness or the cyberbullying happens in a different environment (e.g. sports’ club, youth center, etc.) you need to get in touch with the responsible adults in the organization. You might also find it useful to contact a professional counselor or a specialized local organization.
  • Become familiar with school Anti-Bullying Policy – Ideally the school should have an Anti-Bullying Policy or a protocol to follow in such cases. Don’t hesitate to ask the administrator, headteacher or principal also if your child reports on somebody else being bullied.
  • Build confidence and self-esteem – This is probably the best strategy to prevent your child from being cyberbullied or becoming a cyberbully themselves. Self-confident, happy children rarely become victims of cyberbullying and show little tendency of becoming cyberbullies themselves.
  • Ask children for information – strengthen their sense of self-worth – Don’t hesitate to ask your children for information or support especially regarding digital tools, apps they use and games they like to play. Showing interest in their activities and matters that are important to them will increase your understanding of their “world” and foster bonding and trust. They’ll feel proud to be able to explain things to you which will boost their self-esteem.
  • Talk to your children about safe use – This should start when children start to use digital devices – ideally not when they get their first smartphone but well before when they are allowed to use a computer or a tablet whether at home or at school. This is part of Digital Citizenship Education in order to become responsible users of digital technology. Developing internet safety skills, understanding of privacy and why respecting others’ rights in the digital space is as important as protecting one’s own rights doesn’t happen overnight but is an ongoing process that has to take place gradually taking into account the age and level of knowledge of the child.
  • Installing filtering software or other parental control tools to block or allow access to selected sites, monitor screen time or track browsing history can help but never completely ensure that your child doesn’t encounter any harmful content, e.g. hate speech, pornography, violence or gets in touch with people with criminal intentions. There need to be conversations on these unpleasant topics so that the child is aware of these dangers and can recognize early when something looks “fishy” or undesirable.
  • Having a code of conduct, a set of rules or in best case an agreement set up together around screen-time & internet use can help to avoid constant discussions or conflicts around these topics.
  • Lead by example: Be aware that you are your child’s most important role model. The way you act has a bigger impact on your child’s behavior that anything you say. So, mind your own use of digital devices and make sure that you don’t counteract the rules that you’ve established.
  • Become familiar with Chat Language / acronyms & emoticons: Knowing the language in which your child communicates with others can help you to understand what is going on in their “world”. Asking them about acronyms and emojis they use will also show interest in what they’re doing.
  • Online games can expose children to risks associated with meeting people they don’t know. Make sure your child knows and understands that not everyone in games’ chatrooms are who they pretend to be and that there are also child sexual abuse perpetrators around.
  • Warn children not to give out personal details to other players that they don’t personally know in the offline world. For the same reason as above children need to understand that this might pose a risk to their safety as not everyone is friendly and kind.
  • Warn children not to meet other players offline. The same way that your child shouldn’t accept candies form a stranger in the street and should not go anywhere with a person they don’t know, the same is true for online acquaintances.
  • Withdraw your child from the game or change your child’s online ID if anything evolves that makes you feel uncomfortable but make sure to explain the measures you’re taking to your child.
  • Talk to children about the legal consequences of Cyberbullying. Make sure that your child understands that cyberbullying is a criminal act and has consequences especially for older children (14+) as they’re of criminal age.
  • Encourage positive bystanding. Empower your child to stand up against (cyber)bullying by supporting the victim, discouraging others from participating in the (cyber)bullying and reporting the bully.
Conclusions

The digital space offers a wealth of opportunities and almost endless information on every imaginable topic but it also poses risks – very much like in the offline world! Your role as a parent is to prepare your child to safely navigate both spaces, online and offline, and to become a responsible citizen treating others with respect and kindness but to also recognize threats and dangers and to know how to deal with them. This represents a learning journey and won’t be achieved from one day to the next. It needs gradual familiarization with the different environments and not a jump into the proverbial cold water. Cyberbullying is just one of the unpleasant side effects that moving in the online space might bring about. Supporting your child in becoming resilient and taking preventive measures is the best protection you can provide.

Annex 1
Further resources:

At http://meli4parents.eu/results you can find complete training programs for parents in 6 languages as well as a Guide to Media Literacy for Parents and a WebApp with alternative activities that you might want to explore.

The https://codeweek.eu/ platform offers numerous activities for families, parents and children but also teachers and professional educators. Click on resources and coding@home for examples of analogue introduction activities into coding or on Learn & Teach selecting “parents” in the filter for “target group” for more ideas on how to teach your child digital and media skills.

Discover (st)age appropriate activities on the https://hermmes.eu/curriculum/ website by choosing an age range in the upper part and scrolling down to practice examples.

Annex 2
Different forms of cyberbullying:

The following list is a compilation from the Anti-Bullying-Centre at DCU in alphabetical order:

  1. Cyberbullying by Proxy: Cyberbully encourages others to be accomplices in harassing the victim
  2. Cyber Drama: Involves tiffs and disputes between friends and acquaintances online or via text
  3. Cyber-harassment: Sending hurtful / negative messages to the victim worded harshly in a persistent or pervasive manner
  4. Cyberstalking: Threats of harm, intimidation, offensive comments via communication channels making the victim feel that the threats are real and could transpire into offline stalking. Cyberstalking is regarded as the most dangerous form of cyberbullying and requires immediate adult attention
  5. Denigration: “Dissing” refers to sending, posting or publishing hurtful gossip and false statements about the victim with the intent to hurt and humiliate the victim and damage their reputation or friendships. The bully tends to have a personal relationship with the target, whether as an acquaintance or as a friend.
  6. Digital Piracy Inclusion: Cyberbully entices the victim to engage in illegal reproduction and distribution of copyrighted material on the internet and then reports the victim for digital piracy
  7. Exposure: Engages a public display whereby the cyberbully posts or sends personal communications, videos or images to the victim – intensified if the personal material is sexual in nature
  8. Flaming (roasting): posting insults on the internet about a target or directly sending insults to the target often including offensive language – occurs in chat rooms, discussion boards, groups for peer bystanders to witness. The intent is to assert power and to establish dominance over a victim. Flaming is similar to trolling, but will usually be a more direct attack on a victim to incite them into online fights.
  9. Fraping: when a bully uses a child’s social networking account to post inappropriate content with their name. While it can be harmless when friends write amusing posts on each other’s profiles, it has the potential however to be very harmful as a bully posting a racial/homophobic slur through someone else’s profile can ruin their reputation.
  10. Griefing: Manipulating the playing experience of players in a multiplayer online game with the intent of ruining the playing experience of the participants -this can include bad language, cheating, verbal attacks, etc.
  11. Grooming: predatory practice where children & teens fall victim to adults who try to develop relationships with them without revealing their true identities to gain sexual favours
  12. Harassment: is a broad category encompassing many types of cyberbullying -it generally refers to a sustained and constant pattern of hurtful or threatening online messages sent with the intention of doing harm
  13. Impersonation: “Imping” means to impersonate the victim so that comments sent to peers on social media networking sites, forums, message boards and/or chat rooms appear as if they have come from the victim. Similarly, the cyberbully can set up websites to manipulate the victim’s profile damaging their reputation
  14. Instant Messaging Attacks: Online conflicts to harass, taunt and threaten the victim which can extend to face-to-face bullying
  15. Interactive Gaming Harassment: Online gaming devices allow children to interact with each other enabling the cyberbully to verbally abuse the victim, lock them out of the game and/or pass on false information to others or hack into the victim’s account
  16. Intimidation: Infuses fear in the victim by issuing threats often physical that not only informs the victim but others also
  17. Malicious Code: Allows cyberbullies to send spyware viruses & hacking programmes to a victim
  18. Masquerading: when a bully creates a fake profile or identify online with the sole purpose of cyberbullying.
  19. Micro Visual Cyberbullying: Using snapchat to send menacing messages
  20. Non-consensual Image & Video Dissemination: Images & videos of the victim are emailed to peers or published on video sites like YouTube or shared via mobile devices available to download or view with the intent of humiliating the target
  21. Outing/Doxing: refers to the act of openly revealing sensitive or personal information about someone without their consent for the purpose of embarrassing or humiliating them – it is to do with lack of consent from the victim.
  22. Password Theft: Stealing the victim’s password and then chats to others impersonating the victim in a provocative and argumentative manner causing the victim’s friends or strangers offence. The cyberbully will lock the victim out of their own account so they cannot defend themselves
  23. Phishing: Manipulating (tricking or persuading) the victim into revealing personal and/or financial information about themselves or their loved ones – information that is then used to purchase items in the name of the victim or their parents
  24. Pornography & Marketing Lists: Signing up the target to pornography and/or junk marketing / advertising emailing sites with the intent of causing embarrassment, frustration, unfair punishment and false accusations
  25. Pseudonym Stealth: Cyberbully creates a nickname unknown to the victim to keep their identity secret as they taunt, tease & humiliate their target.
  26. Screen Name Mirroring: Cyberbully creates user names almost identical to the victim’s own name to send messages whereby the recipient thinks they were sent by the target
  27. Sexting: Refers to text messages or images of a sexually explicit nature designed to embarrass the victim when distributed and shared online
  28. Sextortion: Cyberbully extorts images from the victim in exchange for not making sensitive material public. This could involve creating a fake email account, fake social media profile and selecting a new identity and photos to fool the victim. The bully tends to be someone known to the victim
  29. Slut-shaming: Cyberbully publishes sexually provocative images of female victim obtained without her consent
  30. Social Exclusion: the act of leaving someone out deliberately – sending a hurtful message to the target letting them know they are not welcome to participate in social activities – directly targets a child’s need to belong to a group and to feel accepted
  31. Social Media Cyberbullying: Cyberbully persuades the victim to include them on “friends” list -the bully then proceeds to spread malicious information about the victim
  32. Text attacks: Cyberbully and a group of accomplices gang up on a victim by bombarding them with hundreds of emails or text messages causing the victim distress and/or resulting in escalating phone charges
  33. Trolling: Intentionally antagonizes others to inflame emotions and provoke conflict by posting inflammatory comments online. Trolling may not always be a form of cyberbullying, but it can be used as a tool to cyberbully when done in a malicious or harmful manner – trolls tend to be detached from their victims and do not have a personal relationship with them.
  34. Twitter Pooping: Humiliating and ridiculing the target on Twitter.
  35. Warning Wars: making false allegations to an internet service provider that the victim is posting inappropriate or abusive information resulting in their account being suspended

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *