How to deal with an abusive child in terms of cyber-bullying

By Athanasia Hassakou

What is Cyberbullying?

Bullying is a widespread phenomenon among young children and it is used to describe interpersonal relationships characterized by an imbalance of power. It is defined as “intentional aggressive behaviour by a single person or a group against a peer who cannot easily defend himself/herself. Its nature is repetitive over time, lasting weeks and, at times, even months or years. Bullying can take on the following forms: physical (punching or kicking, seizing or damaging other people’s belongings); verbal (ridiculing, insulting, repeatedly mocking someone, making racist remarks); relational (leaving one or more peers out of aggregation groups) and indirect (spreading rumours or gossip about a student)” (Cantone et al., 2015)

The last years with with the evolution of technology and the increasing access of young people to the Ιnternet a new phenomenon of bullying has surfaced: cyberbullying (Cantone et al. 2015). In general, cyberbullying involves sending or posting harmful or cruel messages and/or images through the Internet or other digital communication devices, such as mobile phones. It can take place on personal websites or be shared via email, social media platforms, chat rooms, message boards, instant messaging, or mobile phones. It most commonly occurs when children are at home, but it can also happen during school hours (Feinberg & Robey, 2009). More specifically there ar six (6) types of cyberbullying:

• Flaming: Online fights using electronic messages with angry and vulgar language
• Harassment and stalking: Repeatedly sending cruel, vicious, and/or threatening messages
• Denigration: Sending or posting gossip or rumors about a person to damage his or her reputation or friendships
• Impersonation: Breaking into someone’s e-mail account and using it to send vicious or embarrassing material to others
• Outing and trickery: Engaging someone in instant messaging, tricking him or her into revealing sensitive information, and forwarding that information to others
• Exclusion: Intentionally excluding someone from an online group (Feinberg & Robey, 2009).

Researches indicates that cyberbullying is a global issue that significantly impacts the mental health of young people. This form of bullying has severe psychological effects, influencing both internalizing and externalizing issues. Victims of cyberbullying often internalize their struggles, leading to the development of negative affective disorders, such as anxiety, depression, loneliness, and even suicidal ideation. These children may also experience somatic symptoms as a result of the emotional distress. On the other hand, the tendency to externalize problems is also common among those targeted online. Adolescents who are harassed through digital means are more likely to engage in risky behaviors, such as substance use and delinquency. For example, victims of cyberbullying are more likely to use alcohol, drugs, and carry a weapon at school (Nixon, 2014).

Therefore, it is very important to have prevention and awareness about cyberbullying and the severe emotional harm it can cause but also in cases where we perceive that one child is abusing another in terms of cyberbullying to intervene with the appropriate tools.

How to deal with an abusive child?

In case we know or suspect that there is happening an incident of cyber-bullying we have to take action immediately.

Who are the cyberbullies?

First of all, we have to clarify who can be a cyberbully. In particualr, cyberbullies are equally likely to be male or female and are more commonly older teens than younger ones. Like traditional bullies, they often have strained relationships with their caregivers. Compared to non-bullies, cyberbullies are more likely to be victims of traditional bullying themselves and are more prone to engaging in delinquent behavior and substance abuse. They also tend to be heavy daily Internet users.

A cyberbully may or may not be someone the victim knows. Since cyberbullies can often remain anonymous, it can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to identify the person behind the abuse. They may collaborate with others, further complicating the task of pinpointing the attacker. While there is no clear evidence linking traditional bullies with cyberbullying, it does seem that some victims of physical bullying resort to cyberbullying as a way of seeking revenge against those who have harassed them (Feinberg & Robey, 2009).

The STOP Cyberbullying program (Wired Kids, Inc.) describes four main types of cyberbullies:

• The ‘‘Vengeful Angel’’ does not see himself or herself as a bully, but rather as a vigilante, as he or she often becomes involved trying to protect a friend who is being bullied or cyberbullied.
• ‘‘Power-Hungry’’ cyberbullies want to exert their authority and control others with fear, and they are often victims of traditional bullying. Some people call this ‘‘Revenge of the Nerds’’ cyberbullying, because these bullies are often physically small and targeted by their peers for not being ‘‘cool’’ or technologically skilled.
• ‘‘Mean Girls’’ cyberbullying often occurs in a group. The perpetrators are usually bored and looking for entertainment.
• ‘‘Inadvertent’’ cyberbullies do not intend to cause harm; they just respond without thinking about the consequences of their actions.

The management

There are some general guidelines we can follow when we come across a cyberbullying incident.

• The parents:

Parents must make it clear to their child that bullying is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Consistent negative feedback from both the school and parents -and in general child’s environment- can help encourage behavioral change. Aggressive children often struggle with following rules and have chaotic family relationships, so it’s important for parents to work together with the child to establish clear family rules. These rules should be written down and prominently displayed at home, and the child should be praised when they follow them. If the child breaks the rules, appropriate negative consequences should follow, but corporal punishment should be avoided. Parents should consider what kind of consequences are suitable ahead of time (Awiria O., 1994).

To prevent cyberbullying, it’s essential for parents to know their child’s friends, activities and takes some measures such as keeping the computer at home in wiewable places, considering estgablishing a parent-child internet use contract and talk to them about th harm cyberbullying can cause (Feinberg & Robey, 2009).. Spending time with the child and their friends, considering that cyberbullying is hapenning when children spend many hours in the internet, and in combination with the other measures, can provide better understanding and strengthen the relationship, making the child more likely to listen to their parents. Through positive experiences and a trusting relationship, parents can guide their child towards more appropriate behaviors. Parents can also help channel the child’s need for dominance or physical activity into constructive outlets, like sports. Encouraging the child’s talents and strengths can be a way to redirect aggressive tendencies in a positive direction (Awiria O., 1994).

• The teachers

The teaches should not delay to take actions when they suspect or know that there children who abuse others. It is really important to have a serious talk with the bully and pass the message that “We don’t accept bullying in our school/class and will see to it that it comes to an end.” In cases where more than one students participate in the bullying, it is advisable to talk to them one at a time, in rapid succession, in order for them to have less opportunity to discuss and to plan a common matter amongst strategy, and after it may be usefull to talk to them as a group (Awiria O., 1994).

But as we said earlier there are different types of cyberbullies and that means that there are different motives behind the action so the solutions need to address their special issues. For example, the “Vengeful Angels” need to understand that taking justice into their own hands only escalates the problem and fighting bullying with more bullying only makes things worse. They must recognize that they are engaging in bullying themselves, not acting as heroes. It’s also important to explore the reasons behind their actions. If they feel there are injustices, it’s worth looking into the situation and addressing the root causes. Are there places to report bullying or cyberbullying, possibly anonymously? Are there peer counseling groups or supportive parents and school administrators who take these matters seriously? Providing official channels for reporting bullying can help prevent these individuals from taking matters into their own hands. As far as concerns the “Mean girls type and the “Power Hungry” it is really important to understand that those people feel empowered by abusing the others, because they are entertained by that and beacause they control the other person and many times they want to harm it. The common between this two types and also the Inadvertent Cyberbully is that they can’t really understand the impact of their actions. Especially, the Inadvertent Cyberbully doesn’t even realize what he is doing, because they don’t lash out intentionally -they just respond without thinking (STOP Cyberbullying, n.d.). So in these cases it is really important to talk to kids who are being abusive with in all seriousness and sincerity about the severe consequences their actions have on others and try to create a culture of respect in a cyber world – and in general.

Conclusion

In conclusion, there are some general guidelines and tools for both parents and teachers -on how to deal with an abusive child in terms of cyberbullying. It is crucial to understand  the motives behind cyberbullying so that we can intervene in the best possible way in each case. However, in every situation, we must act immediately, explain to children the serious consequences of their actions on others lives and mental health and, where necessary, enforce appropriate and acceptable punishments.

References:

Awiria, O. (1994). Bullying at school-what we know and what we can do.

Cantone, E., Piras, A. P., Vellante, M., Preti, A., Daníelsdóttir, S., D’Aloja, E., Lesinskiene, S., Angermeyer, M. C., Carta, M. G., & Bhugra, D. (2015). Interventions on Bullying and Cyberbullying in Schools: A Systematic Review. Clinical Practice and Epidemiology in Mental Health : CP & EMH, 11(Suppl 1 M4), 58–76. https://doi.org/10.2174/1745017901511010058

Feinberg, T., & Robey, N. (2009). Cyberbullying: Intervention and prevention strategies.

National Association of School Psychologists, 38(4), 22-24.

Nixon, C. L. (2014). Current perspectives: The impact of cyberbullying on adolescent health. Adolescent Health, Medicine and Therapeutics, 5, 143–158. https://doi.org/10.2147/AHMT.S36456

STOP Cyberbullying (n.d.). What methods work with the different kinds of cyberbullies?

Wired Kids, Inc. Retrieved January 15, 2009, from http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/parents/howdoyouhandleacyberbully.html