While Empathic Active Listening might seem familiar, putting it into practice is no simple task. Several hurdles can arise when attempting to listen to a conversation partner genuinely, energetically, and empathetically. The complexity grows even more apparent when this partner is not an adult, but a child.
As previously mentioned, it is important that effective Active Listening hinges on an authentic interest in the speaker. Yet, the demands and obligations of daily life, combined with the stress they bring, often hinder adults from truly engaging with others, including children. Fatigue from a demanding day, mundane tasks, or professional pressures can lead to surface-level responses, leaving little room for genuine listening. As previously noted, these fleeting interactions don’t go unnoticed by the speaker, whether on a conscious or subconscious level. Rogers asserts that if the listener’s interest appears insincere, it can discourage the speaker from opening up in the future.
Additionally, Active Listening comes with personal risks. Understanding another person’s emotions and experiences to the extent of momentarily shedding one’s own beliefs and patterns is a challenging and discomforting process. However, this process, though demanding, brings benefits. Empathic Active Listening not only fosters deep, positive connections but also catalyses a transformative shift in the listener’s attitudes, fostering personal growth.
While Empathic Active Listening isn’t effortless, it’s certainly attainable. With practice and patience, we can master this skill.
The rewards extend not only to us but also to all our conversation partners, be it adults or children!
Empathic Active Listening in parenting, educational & professional settings
As mentioned above, Empathic Active Listening is strictly related with attitudes, namely Genuineness, Empathy and Unconditional Positive Regard, as well as with specific behavioural strategies, such as the LAFF technique.
All these factors are considered important in the relationships that parents, teachers, and professionals who work with children build with kids.
In this section you will find some phrases that can prove useful when adults communicate with children, as well as some additional practical examples that help understand in which context and in what way adults can apply the principles of Empathic Active Listening* when responding to children:
– In the context of Parenting
– In the context of Teaching
– And in Professional Settings
PHRASES THAT CAN PROVE USEFUL
| IF YOU WANT TO | USE PHRASES SUCH AS |
| To encourage our interlocutor | – “Could you tell me more about…?” – “What else do you remember?” |
| To seek additional clarification | – “Could you explain what you mean by…?” |
| To rephrase, showing the other person that we are present and that we understand what has been said | – “…seems quite difficult. Let’s take some time and see how we can handle it.” |
| To show understanding of the other person’s feelings and body language | – “This seems to be quite important to you” – “You seem to be troubled/concerned by all that’s going on” – “You must feel very proud of yourself!” |
| To validate the information we have received | – “Just to make sure I’ve got this right, what you mean is that…” – “Correct me if I’ve got it wrong…” |
| To create a safe Communication* space | – “Thank you for sharing with me…” |
| To process alternative ideas | – “What could happen if…?” – “What else could we try?” |