EXAMPLE 01
M.’s parents (9 years old) have recently noticed some changes in his behaviour. He often refuses to go to school, and sometimes his teacher has called them by phone and told them that M. wishes to return home earlier than the end of school hours. They have even noticed changes in his appetite for food. There are many times when M. does not manage to eat his food, because, as he says, “he has no appetite, he is not hungry”. These changes have worried M.’s parents mainly because they insist on time. More specifically, these behaviours appear to have been consistent over the past month. For this reason, M.’s parents made some attempts to understand what was happening. They asked him if there was something bothering him, if something had happened either at school or at basketball (an extracurricular activity he attends three times a week). Although for a long time M. avoided talking to them, one day and while he was emotionally charged, he decided to share some of his thoughts with them. So he confessed to them that he is sad because lately his friends have not been talking to him. Even when they almost all play football or “pyramid” together during breaks, they don’t let him play with them. And in all of this, there is something that has hurt him even more. He was very upset when he realized that he was even removed from the group chat that D1 had all over Viber. He can’t understand why all this is happening and day by day he feels worse and worse.
In this example, the parents are the ones who notice some sudden changes in the child’s usual behavior and routine. They notice that their child suddenly seems to lose his appetite and even tries to avoid school, which used to bring him joy. They therefore make some attempts to investigate the situation and invite the child into a process of active dialogue, giving him the opportunity to talk about his own experience and to express his feelings about it. Trying to understand the child’s situation and understanding their feelings is the first, crucial step in providing support. By using the phrase “I would feel very sad in this situation too”, the parent(s) validate the child’s feelings without creating doubt. Distress is a universally human emotion and experiencing it occasionally is normal. This sentence succinctly illustrates the concepts of “authenticity” and “Empathy”.
Moreover, as suggested by the LAFF technique, an effective method for the parent(s) to demonstrate empathic listening to their child is by engaging in the conversation using body language. For instance, nodding or maintaining eye contact during the discussion communicates that the parent(s) are present and actively attentive to the child’s concerns. Additionally, to comprehend the child’s emotions, the parent(s) can pose questions related to their feelings, such as “How do you feel about this?” or “Is there something that could help you feel better?”. Through these approaches, the parent(s) establish a zone of trust and openness between themselves and the child, enabling the child to freely express their feelings in their own words.
EXAMPLE 02
Child: “I stopped hanging out with my friend. I also told the others at school to stop hanging out with him/her. We also removed him/her from the group chat we had on Viber. I was very upset because he/she lied to me, and I felt I had to take action. But now he/she is alone, not talking to anyone, and I feel somewhat guilty about it”.
In this example, the child shares something that appears to be troubling him/her. He/she felt angry and likely feels remorseful about the situation with his/her friend. Emphasising the child’s emotion is once again a crucial first step. It’s essential for the child to recognise and label their own emotions. Asking the child about their feelings regarding their actions, for instance, can aid in a better understanding of their emotions. Criticising the child for their feelings is unlikely to yield desirable results. Instead, the parent(s) can assist them in connecting with their feelings and identifying the emotions the other child might be going through in this scenario.